Soda Citizen: Bakari Lebby at Diarrhea Planet
I met up with Bakari before the Diarrhea Planet show at Art Bar the other week. Before I could get the questions rolling, he mentioned his previous experiences with the media and his mom.
Anytime people interview me I say something that my mother is going to get mad about. Usually it's something in the the Free Times or the State newspaper and it's like, “I read this in the State and you said this shit.” and I'm like, “Yea I did - but they bleeped it out mom.”
If I give you two boats, one worth $400 and the other worth $60,000 – what do you name them?
Little Swimmer. Just like my semen... The other one, my inclination is to go with “The Kapowski” because Kelly Kapowski is worth $60,000 to me.
Is that with the intention of making her a passenger?
I would love to make Tiffani Amber Thiessen a passenger. I would probably call it the USS Kapowski. Wait a second, USS is like naval? Yea, we'd call it the USS Kapowski.
Have you ever had a pet hamster?
No, but I watched a hamster for a little bit once. Marcy Bozek, who used to be the station manager at WUSC, asked me to watch her pet hamster while she was on Christmas break. I don't remember the hamster's name but it lived in my house and I fed the shit out of it and kept it comfortable. So no, I've never owned a pet hamster.
Say, in ten years the NFL is looking to make the game more entertaining and they have a new rules contest, what will you suggest they do?
I suggest they un-outlaw the excessive celebration. The best part of playing Madden is watching your player do some fucking dance in the end zone. That and they need to have halftime parties with like three on three dudes fighting each other.
Maybe Double Dare?
Holy shit. What if the endzone was just slime? The endzone is straight-up slime and you'd get to dive in the slime zone. That would be dope. I would watch every NFL game.
If you go to the movie theater and they are out of popcorn, what do you get?
First off, they would never be out of popcorn. If we were in a weird world, I think I would do Bunch a Crunch. The Butterfinger one – that would make a sweet snack.
Who is your favorite DJ?
In Columbia or the world?
It could be DJ Tanner for all I care.
Let's go with DJ Tanner. I don't think I would ever pay to see a DJ, I talk about that a lot. So yeah, DJ Tanner would be my favorite DJ seconded by Paris Hilton.
Do you remember the diarrhea baseball song?
Diarrhea baseball song? What is that – how does it go?
“When you're sliding into first and you feel a juicy burst – diarrhea – diarrhea.”
No but when I was a kid I went to the Lou Holtz football camp at Carolina and I specifically remember hanging out at Carolina and coming up with diarrhea songs about football. So football, yes – baseball, no.”
So, what's the diarrhea football song? How does it go?
When you run a first down and you feel a little brown – Diarrhea. There were more inventive ones but I don't remember them.
What is your favorite time of the day?
Miller Time. I'd rather have Coors Time. If they had Coors Original Banquet Time. That's what I'd really want.
How do you impress Yung Cindy on a date?
Make sure your boot game is straight ladies.
Did you say boot or boob?
Boot. If you have some nice boots on that will help. I love a pair of nice pants. If you have a nice pair of pants on... I like high wasted pants. Some good denim, anytime I see a girl in a denim vest I get real into it. And if you're gonna wear a top that is a t-shirt, it's gotta be a v-neck. If a girl had a side pony! I get real excited about that. If you have a side pony, you are in.
Would it have to be a girl?
No, I'd fuck a guy with a side pony... God, that's stupid. That'll be the one that sticks.
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