Weird Al Yankovic Ruins Birthday Party
"Was it dark or light beer?"
"That's awesome if that is your first question - and it was a PBR."
So begins my phone conversation with the clerk at That Computer Store on Lake Murray Blvd. About twelve hours before I was bartending and celebrating a friend (we'll call him Ethan) and co-worker's birthday at New Brookland. The show was over with and the birthday boy had just blown out the candles on his mini cake.
"Well it's time to celebrate your birthday
It happens every year-
We'll eat a lot of broccoli and drink a lot of beer!"
Before we got through the first verse of Weird Al Yankovic's birthday song Ethan had climbed unto the bar for a celebratory polka dance.
As if possessed by his demonic jig, a dancing foot struck a 16 oz. can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and the pounder took to the air like the Challenger spacecraft. I keep seeing a slow motion instant replay of the launch. The nonexistent Vine video has crawled up in my noggin and won't leave. There was slight thud (muffled by the blasting squeezebox sounds) and a flash of light as the stereo receiver died. Weird Al went silent on the bar speakers while the stage PA still boomed along on the other side of the club.
"Well, what's the matter little friend, you think this party is the pits?
Enjoy it while you can-
We'll soon be blown to bits-
The monkeys in the Pentagon are gonna cook our goose!"
Their finger's on the button, all they need is an excuse."
The Pabst can rolled off the top of the stereo receiver and onto my MacBook and next to my camera. While wiping off my camera with the nearest bar towel I snagged the computer and held it on it's side in the air, hoping the beer would drip harmlessly onto the floor below. Still connected to the PA speakers, the song continued.
"It doesn't take a military genius to see-
We'll all be crispy critters after World War III
There's nowhere you can run - nowhere you can hide
When we drop the big one we'll all get fried."
And then Weird Al's "Happy Birthday" fell completely silent and the computer screen went black. The whole room was strangely quiet. It was a weird feeling, until a customer abruptly ended the awful moment. Beer was dripping off my computer from my left hand while my right tried to find a safe place for my Nikon.
"Rayford! That was my FULL BEER and I need another one." -customer
"WHAT FUCKING PLANET DO YOU LIVE ON? SERIOUSLY?" -me
"Planet Thirsty" -customer
I told the customer to leave in the most polite manner that I could muster up and stood in the music-less club as other customers and co-workers tried to piece together what had happened.
I've been quiet on the blog lately as we've diagnosed and replaced the dead MacBook. And because Ethan was a stand-up dude and has assisted me with a monetary contribution, I'm once again back to hunting unicorns.
The images in this post are the first photos I've edited on my new machine and now that we've caught up, keep an eye out for my first book called "VelociRayford One 2013". It'll be available in July.
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